President Declares Snacks Will Save Nation
By Giuseppe Cinzano
Washington D.C. (INS). With House Speaker Nancy Pelosi by his side, President Barack Obama announced at a press conference what he hopes will be a historic revision to the 2700 page Health Care bill currently holding America hostage. “My fellow Americans,” he called out to reporters. “After careful consideration of the relationship between health care and job creation, I have decided my health care bill needs a booster shot.
“Childhood obesity is a drain on our economy,” Obama continued confidently. “School lunches are nothing short of disgusting. I propose, beginning immediately upon passage of my Health Care bill, that schools begin serving fish sticks for lunch everyday.”
Dumbfounded reporters sat speechless until one hesitantly asked how this will help our economy. “Fish sticks are absolutely scrumptious and appealing,” Obama responded. “Serving them every day will create 50 million jobs. Businesses that cannot get loans will be able to hire dozens, even hundreds of new workers to produce and distribute these delectable treats.”
The White House Press Corps stared at the President with utter confusion. Pelosi didn’t like their reaction and shoved the president 
away, knocking him to the ground and locked herself in front of the microphone, “I get thousands of letters every day from children all over the world begging for fish sticks!” she screamed. She then cast a menacing, confrontational glare upon the stunned reporters and with a taunting finger pointing directly into the television cameras, and adamantly shrieked, “FISH STICKS! And I don’t want any resistance from Republicans on this! Understand?” Then she dashed past the fallen Obama toward the White House spa for another Botox® session.
Meanwhile, the Secret Service carried the President off for medical attention as White House staffers handed out boxes of breaded fish meat to the now salivating press corp.
About Giuseppe Cinzano
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