By George Held
VARIETY reports that madcap Dick Cheney’s GUANTÁNAMO, THE MUSICAL will debut on Broadway next fall. Mike Nichols will direct, on terms that include casting his wife, Diane Sawyer, in the key role of The Commandant. The new author, once U.S. vice-president, claims the musical resulted from his skill as a puppeteer and talent [...]

Tags: ABC, ABC News, Black Water, Broadway, Broadway Musical, Castro, Condi Rice, Condoleeza Rice, Cuba, Diane Sawyer, Dick Cheney, Entertainment Tonight, Former Vice President Dick Cheney, Guantanamo, Guantanamo Bay, James Michener, James Michner, Joaquin Phoenix, Michener, Michner, Mickey Rourke, Mike Nichols, Musical, Osama bin Ladin, South Pacific, Vice President, Vice President Dick Cheney
Filed under: music, politics, songs | 1 Comment »

By Pete Grossman
In a close shave with becoming ostracized from the public and facing total obscurity, it’s been reported that Joaquin Phoenix has cut a deal with famous razor blade maker, Gillette, to shave his beard, live, on David Letterman.
A Letterman rep says Dave will have nothing of it. “You know, when McCain blew off [...]

Tags: close shave, David Letterman, Gillette, Gillette Razor, Hasidic Jew, Hasidism, hip hop music, hip-hop, Joaquin Phoenix, John McCain, Late Night With David Letterman, McCain, music, Phoenix, Power Fusion Gillette Razor, Power Fusion Razor, rap, rap song, shave
Filed under: music | 2 Comments »

By Pete Grossman

Pulse One, a new chip maker, has begun distributing “The Hip Chip Detector,” a computer chip that is inserted under the skin, just above a woman’s hip, allowing men to easily locate them while shopping.
“This is fantastic!” Says Elmer Node. “When my wife steps into a mall, bam! She’s off and running! It [...]

Tags: app, chip, computer chip, credit card, GPS, hot and cold, iPhone, iPhone app, men, shopping, women
Filed under: iPhone, shopping | No Comments »

By Rich Mintzer
(Hollywood, Feb 24, 2009) The Oscar® Production took a long hard look at this year’s program, and, while fast forwarding through the 20 boring awards that take up the middle of the show, pledged that next year they will replace those awards with much more interesting categories.

For example, awards designed to appeal to the [...]

Tags: Academy Awards, Anne Hathaway, Beyonce, breasts, He's Just Not That Into You, Kevin James, Mall Cop, Marisa Tomei, Meryl Streep, Mickey Rourke, Mike Meyers, movie schedules, Movies, Oscar, Oscars, Pineapple Express, Segway, The Wrestler, Wrestler, WWE
Filed under: Movies | 2 Comments »

By George Held
(Hartford, Feb. 23, 2009) The Connecticut legislature today voted by a narrow margin to pass a bill legalizing primate marriage. Supporters of the bill hailed its passage as a step forward in democratizing matrimony.
The bill had its genesis in the much publicized case of a Connecticut woman who lived in a spousal relationship [...]

Tags: ape, attack, chimp, chimpanzee, Connecticut, CT, divorce, friend, husband, husbands, marriage, monkey, monkey island, monkeys, neighbor, orangutan, primate, red monkey jeans, spousal rights, spouse, stamford, wife, wives, woman
Filed under: Animals, Pets | 3 Comments »

By Pete Grossman
It’s been revealed through several sources that Britney Spears has incorporated her namesake by using real spears in her upcoming Circus tour. Rehearsals have already taken out several dancers with injuries that range from nasty gashes to serious wounds requiring surgery. A bevy of back up dancers for the back up dancers have [...]

Tags: Blonde Singer, Boa, Britney, Britney and Madonna, britney boa, Britney on Tour, britney snake, Britney Spears, Britney Spears Circus Tour, Britney Spears fragrance, Britney Spears Hidden Fantasy, Britney Spears perfume, Britney Spears Tour, Britney Spears touring, britney spears womanizer, Circus, Circus tour, Jamie Spears, Kevin Federline, Madonna, Pop Tart, Singer, tour, womanizer
Filed under: music, singing, songs | 1 Comment »

By Pete Grossman

What-A-Gas, Inc., introduces “Gassicals” an iPhone app that converts your farts into real music. By using an additional device called a “Microvelcrophone,” a tiny, flat microphone with Velcro properties (available at Apple stores and online), it attaches to your underpants and transmits your fart sounds to your iPhone as you pipe away.
The app [...]

Tags: Apple, apps, drums, fart, farts, gas, guitar, iPhone, iPhone apps, mic, music, musicals, piano, smart phone, trombone, trumpet, Velcro
Filed under: iPhone, music, songs | No Comments »

By Pete Grossman
People are just canine crazy. Now they’re putting ads in the personals for their pooches. Here’s one that was posted in poochpeople.com:
Regal purebred dog seeking beautiful bitch. Likes long walks on the beach with various objects in my mouth. I keep my nose to the grindstone and other things I can closely sniff. [...]

Tags: adoption, akc, animal, animal planet, ASPCA, biscuits, bitch, breeds, cheese, collar, dates, dating, dog, dog biscuits, dog breeds, dog food, dog park, dog whisperer, doggie, fence, fetch, fido, golden retriever, hound, Humane Society, lab, labrador, leash, pedigree, pooch, pup, puppy, Purina, smell, sniff, snout, teeth, vet, whistle, wireless fence
Filed under: Animals, Dogs, Pets | No Comments »

By Pete Grossman
If you think you’re starting to get old, AARP, the American Association of Retired Persons is right there to back you up. “If it wasn’t difficult enough to turn 50,” says Sally Able, “for the last couple of months I’ve been getting mail from AARP  to join their organization. Since when is 50 [...]

Tags: 50, 50 years, 60, 60s, AARP, AARP magazine, American Association of Retired Persons, baby boomer, Cialis, Florida, golf, golf vacations, insurance, Ironman, Maalox, magazine, marathon, retirees, retirement, ski, ski resorts, skiing, snowboard, snowboarders, sports, TAARP, Tarp, The Fifties, The Sixties, triathlon, Viagra
Filed under: sports | No Comments »

By George Held
President Barack H. Obama today named as his new designee for Secretary of Commerce former President George W. Bush, Republican of Texas, calling his willingness to serve a Democratic administration “the ultimate act of bipartisanship.”
Replying, Mr. Bush said he felt well suited to running Commerce because of his MBA from Harvard, and quipped, [...]

Tags: b-ball, baller-in-chief, basketball, bipartisan, bipartisanship, CNN, commerce, Democart, Dubya, Former President Bush, hoops, JFK, John F Kennedy, Mr. Bush, Mr. Obama, Obama, Obama and basketball, pick-up game, President Bush, President Kennedy, President Obama, Republican, Rose Garden, Secretary of Commerce, suits, texas ranch, Vice President, W
Filed under: Obama, politics | 2 Comments »