SEGMENT OF JEWISH POPULATION RECEIVES NEW NAME

By Pete Grossman
Brooklyn, NY (INS) The International Office of Words and Phrases has issued the following statement regarding the term “Half Jew” or “Half Jewish.”
“From this point forward children of mixed marriages that include one partner who is Jewish will now be known as ‘Hybrid Hebrews,’ bringing the best of both linages together.”
Infauxtainment News Service [...]

PRICE OF AMMO SOARS

By George Held
Decatur, KY (INS). The Reverend Floyd (Piece a’) Cake, a pastor who welcomes guns in his church, denounced today the rising price of bullets. “We citizens who live by the Second Amendment can’t afford the current runaway inflation where ammo is concerned. With hollow points running $60 per 500, my flock must resist [...]

TASER Opposes Alert System Change

By Bill Britton
WASHINGTON, D.C. (INS). In an effort to simplify the color-coding system for identifying the risk of potential terrorist activity in the U.S., the Department of Homeland Security is considering reducing the number of alert categories from five to three. In opposition, the activist group, Terror Alert System Equates to Risk (TASER), released a [...]

OUTBURSTS SPAWN NEW SOCIAL NETWORK

By George Held
Mountain View, CA (INS). Now that President Obama has virtually endorsed the public outburst by calling Kanye West a “jackass,” Oogle, the leader in social networking, has announced the creation of Outburst.com, which will debut next Monday, September 21st. Myron Bender, CEO of Oogle, expects record traffic on the site: “In the wake [...]

Rent-A-Jew

By Pete Grossman
New York, NY (INS) It’s opening night this Friday with Rosh Hashanah (the Jewish New Year ) beginning the 10 Days of Awe and ramping up to Yom Kippur (the Day of Atonement), and once again many Jewish couples are banging heads about attending services. Usually the man of the couple doesn’t want [...]

2nd Love Triangle in Archie Comics Revealed

Reggie Marries Moose
by Pete Grossman
Riverdale, NY (INS) With all the focus on Archie of Archie Comics fame asking Veronica to marry him, leaving Betty heartbroken and inconsolable, INS (Infauxtainment News Service) has learned that Reggie, Jughead and Moose have been involved in a similar love triangle with Reggie finally asking Moose to marry him.
Victor Gorelick, [...]

New Catholic Sex Prayer Really Works, Says Church

By Eric Kenning
LONDON (INS) The effect of a new formal prayer to be recited by married couples before they have sex can only be described as “miraculous,” according to sources in the Catholic Church. The “Prayer Before Making Love” in the Prayer Book for Spouses just published by the Church-affiliated Catholic Truth Society in Britain [...]



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