by Pete Grossman

New York, NY (INS) It used to be called “The Seven Year Itch” when couples reach a point in their lives when they believe they’ll be better off with other partners, but in today’s world with everything creeping up the calendar - Easter candy showing up on the heels of New Years Eve, Halloween items popping up in July and Christmas showing up on shelves in August, it’s now ”The Five Year Itch.”

So, as of today, one can now get married for five years at a clip with the option to renew for another five and so on. To no one’s surprise, the bill easily slipped through the congress and senate. For those who are already married for more than five years their marriages can end immediately without the hassle of divorce.

Hugh Hefner, who created Playboy Magazine, and opened up the flood gates to a swinging single lifestyle in the 50s and it still going strong at 83 (he’s dating 19-year-old identical twins Karissa and Kristina Shannon) hails the new legislation as revolutionary. “I was married 2 times, both for 10 years each. I applaud this new law as it gives me and all other men peace-of-mind knowing we can re-up or move on to new vaginas after five years. ‘course if I’m crazy enough to marry my sweeties under this contract, it’ll be like 10 years again. Hopefully the law will be change to two years soon.”

Incredibly, Gloria Steinem, who posed as a playboy bunny in the 60s to write an exposé on how bunnies where treated and lead the feminist movement in the 70’s, agrees with Hef but for a different reason. “I would have been all for the bill if the Snoring and Farting clause was kept in the legislation. If a woman can no longer stand thunder nose and the nuclear cloud hovering over her partner’s head, she should be able to bail after two years, tops!”

About Pete Grossman

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