OUTBURSTS SPAWN NEW SOCIAL NETWORK

By George Held

jackass 2Mountain View, CA (INS). Now that President Obama has virtually endorsed the public outburst by calling Kanye West a “jackass,” Oogle, the leader in social networking, has announced the creation of Outburst.com, which will debut next Monday, September 21st. Myron Bender, CEO of Oogle, expects record traffic on the site: “In the wake of Joe Wilson, Serena Williams, Kanye West, and President Obama, who all have their supporters, the American people will rally around our new site. It’ll be the ultimate in self-advertisement and self-indulgence, the cornerstones of social networking.”

Mr. Bender expects OutBurst.com to post outrageous online comments. “After all,” he reasons, “most comments US Open Tennisonline are either self-censored or subject to being ‘reported’ and removed from a site. OutBurst.com will encourage comments with the gloves off. If a Liberal wants to vent about Conservatives, he can say, ‘They lie.’ Even if it’s the truth, ours is the only site that will run it and keep it up. Or if a good ol’ boy in Alabama wants to use KKK language for the President, that will be okay too.”

Because Bender expects criticism from the politically-correct crowd, he will post onsite the approval of Dr. Josef Gobbles, head of the Freisprecher Institute, of Berlin, NY (FIB), whose research shows “America will be a more harmonious country if only the worst in us is allowed to fester online.”

To be fair and balanced, we report that Dr. Felicity Decker, chair of the Gutmaker Psychiatric Clinic, of San Francisco, NM, strongly opposes uncensored speech, including outbursts. “Where would Americans be,” she asks, “if opponents of the last Bush administration had released angry outbursts against  the lack of adequate healthcare, tax cuts for the rich, the war in Iraq, and the use of torture for interrogating enemies of the nation?”

About George Held







8 Responses to “OUTBURSTS SPAWN NEW SOCIAL NETWORK”

  1. If everyone is allowed to speak his or her mind whenever they want to, where does it end? From outbursts might come change. For our own safety and happiness we need to be censored and told what our opinions are. Self expression is a slippery slope to awareness, and we don’t want that. Do we? Someone tell me.

  2. No awareness, no worries.

  3. Dang, Susan. Quite a serious question for Infauxtainment, and quite a good one. Perhaps a good example would be playing golf. Yep, playing golf. While there are many rules on how to play that need to be followed that make the game legit, it’s etiquette that makes the game flow and be fun (if that’s possible for all you golfer’s out there). Much of the etiquette in the game involves respect and courtesy. For instance, being quite when someone is swinging, staying behind a golfer who is swinging as not to distract him, not stepping on the “line” between a golfer’s ball and the cup, and of course yelling “FORE!” when a ball is screaming in the wrong direction towards fellow duffers. Without civility the game would be a mess as would society. Of course there are times when one should shout out, but one should just use one’s head when one does so – or if they get slammed in the temple by a speeding dimpled projectile. ;-)

  4. Hmm, Jorge Zen.

  5. “Even if it’s the truth, ours is the only site that will run it and keep it up. ” This is vintage Held–devastating humor camouflaged as a throwaway line. Keep publishing this guy, Infauxtainment, We need to laugh more in the American nut house.

  6. You got that right, Mr. Livingston! He’s freakin’ brilliant!

  7. Why are the liberals so nice? only the dim witted republicans seem to keep shouting lies and get attention for this.. No one really criticized the Bushes or their daughters.

  8. Lighten up, people! This is supposed to be fun, as others have said earlier. Go and have an ice cream cone and leave the mud-slinging to the media and the masses. Or — you can have a Mud and Worm Chunk ice cream cone if you are so inclined. . .

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