ALEX TREBEK TO HOST BRAG-FEST
By George Held
Southampton, NY, (INS). Southampton College has announced a new event, “Bragging Rights,” for alumni and faculty of its high-powered Creative Writing Program. Each contestant will read his or her most outrageous poem, story, or creative nonfiction, and audience response, as measured by a Diebold Applause Meter, will determine the winner. The Diebold machine has been well tested and has received the Seal of Excellence from the Republican National Committee.
The college, nestled in the heart of the ritzy Hamptons and well known for its show-biz connections, has added spice to the mix with 
JEOPARDY emcee Alex Trebek, who will host, introducing each contestant with his usual rambunctious wit, and each participant will be escorted to the stage by Vanna White, ageless hostess of WHEEL OF FORTUNE. The winner in each category will receive an all-expense-paid vacation to swinging Mobile, AL.
Among the early favorites are nonfiction star Dr. David Fincke, who will read his fascinating essay “Venereal Algorithms: New Trends in 
Urology.” Best-selling short story writer Felicia Alba Trosse will contend with her thriller “Antidisestablishmentarianism in Post-Colonial Java.” In poetry, even seasoned prize-winning faculty fret that SU graduate Po Tempkin will win the prize for her rap poem “Epistemology of a Flea.”
Attendance is free and earns points toward graduation for SU students. Faculty monitors will note any student who leaves early, and strong black coffee will be served.
About George Held
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Love “Felicia Alba Trosse!”
I seem to remember a similar contest that I entered while a student at Queens College. My entry was “Deconstructing Soupy Sales.”
“Creative Nonfiction”. Hah! This should be a real category.