By Pete Grossman

Chicago, IL (INS). The Society of Long Objectionable Waiting (SLOW) has recently released it’s time passage evaluations:

Union Minutes: These units have a lot of elasticity. While union minutes can be on the money – such as when to punch out, generally, they can be pretty darn dormant. For instance, if you’re setting a deadline, multiply 1 minute by five. Also note that lag time increases exponentially as the day goes on. What should take an hour could easily take all day – at least.

Corporate America Minutes: Can a mouse move a cinder block? Yeah, if it’s a really big mouse – which is what it seems to take to execute a new idea in a fearful, status quo environment. The only thing that seems to move fast in a corporation is when they want to “reorg” the company. That happens in a flash.

Academic Minutes: Think corporations are slow? Welcome to academia. Unlike corporate America, it takes them years to fire an educator. Burn down the school? After eons of discussions the offender will be put on probation – with pay!

Kinko’s Minutes: These are very deceptive bytes of time. Approach a clerk an empty counter with the simple task of producing 50 sheets of a flyer onto white paper. Suddenly, the computer software can’t read a universally accepted format. Then the copier breaks down. Then another customer distracts the clerk, who then goes off and helps him. Minutes turn into hours. Finally everything’s ready to go and there’s not enough white paper! It boggles the mind that on-time, tight-ass FedEx got into bed with Kinko’s. They are the Jekyll and Hyde of the document industry.

Have a time interpretation? Click the “Comments” below and sound off (take as much time as you like).

About Pete Grossman

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