By Giuseppe Cinzano
Chicago, IL (INS). Vice President Joe Biden says he feels the need to pinch himself at times. “When I made the decision to get hair plugs I said to myself, ‘It doesn’t get any better than this.’ Man, was I ever wrong about that.”
Biden was a guest on Oprah Winfrey’s acclaimed television show [...]

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By George Held
St. Augustine (INS). If Tiger Woods thought his scripted statement about his personal problems would clear the air, the golfer now has to contend with charges of plagiarism. A spokesman for John Edwards complained that Woods stole several phrases from Sen. Edwards’ public admission of sexual infidelity, including “I’m very sorry” and “I [...]

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By George Held
Hollywood, CA (INS). Hugh Hefner announced today that Sarah Palin will be the November centerfold in PLAYBOY magazine. An agreement was reached after Palin spent the weekend getting a private tour of the Playboy mansion here. The November issue, which appears in October, would maximize the influence of her pictorial in helping [...]

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By Bill Britton
Crawford, TX (INS). The normally apolitical National Duct Tape Council has issued a statement in support of former President Bush’s call to invade Canada. Chairman Herb Rimple explained the council’s reasoning at a televised news conference held in Crawford, Texas: “We at the council believe that President Bush is showing the way to a more secure [...]

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By George Held
Mountain View, CA (INS). Now that President Obama has virtually endorsed the public outburst by calling Kanye West a “jackass,” Oogle, the leader in social networking, has announced the creation of Outburst.com, which will debut next Monday, September 21st. Myron Bender, CEO of Oogle, expects record traffic on the site: “In the wake [...]

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By George Held
Anchorage, AK, (INS) Now that Sarah Palin has announced her retirement as Alaska’s governor, she has begun to make overtures to possible running mates in her run for the Presidency in 2012. According to Mildred Pearce, a cleaning woman in the governor’s mansion, the two top candidates currently are Gov. Mark Sanford (R-SC) [...]

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By George Held
Washington, (INS) Somali pirates ravaging the sea lanes off the Horn of Africa have caused disputes among both Democrats and Republicans. While most Americans praise President Obama’s firmness in rescuing Capt. Richard Phillips, left-wing Dems argue the pirates are using the only form of resistance available to an oppressed minority—making armed raids on [...]

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By Pete Grossman
Today, President Obama is turning his attention to a vital, national issue by asking congress to introduce a bill abolishing the use of the word “Like” in specific American conversation.
“It is of the utmost importance to the country that people speak properly. My plan is to make sure conversations such as ‘And I’m [...]

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