He’s Just Joe Biden His Time

By Giuseppe Cinzano
Chicago, IL (INS). Vice President Joe Biden says he feels the need to pinch himself at times. “When I made the decision to get hair plugs I said to myself, ‘It doesn’t get any better than this.’ Man, was I ever wrong about that.”
Biden was a guest on Oprah Winfrey’s acclaimed television show [...]

NEW TWIST IN TIGER TALE

By George Held
St. Augustine (INS). If Tiger Woods thought his scripted statement about his personal problems would clear the air, the golfer now has to contend with charges of plagiarism. A spokesman for John Edwards complained that Woods stole several phrases from Sen. Edwards’ public admission of sexual infidelity, including “I’m very sorry” and “I [...]

National Duct Tape Council Praises Bush

By Bill Britton
Crawford, TX (INS). The normally apolitical National Duct Tape Council has issued a statement in support of former President Bush’s call to invade Canada. Chairman Herb Rimple explained the council’s reasoning at a televised news conference held in Crawford, Texas: “We at the council believe that President Bush is showing the way to a more secure [...]

PALIN OVERTURES TO VEEP MATES

By George Held
Anchorage, AK, (INS) Now that Sarah Palin has announced her retirement as Alaska’s governor, she has begun to make overtures to possible running mates in her run for the Presidency in 2012. According to Mildred Pearce, a cleaning woman in the governor’s mansion, the two top candidates currently are Gov. Mark Sanford (R-SC) [...]

BAILIN’ PALIN CITES “HIGHER CALLIN’”

By George Held
Juneau, AK (INS) Citing a higher calling for her resignation as governor of Alaska, Sarah Palin caused rampant speculation about her intentions. While many pundits suggested the governor was referencing a run for President, some bloggers implied she was under federal investigation for demagoguery. But INS (Infauxtainment News Service) has learned from a [...]

Obama and Chavez Hooking Up?

By Pete Grossman
Washington, D.C. (IFT) One thing leads to another. First an exchange of smiles, then a handshake, then gift giving. Soon a full blown bromance blooms. That’s what’s happened since Barack Obama and Hugo Chavez met up at a Latin American conference.
“Be afraid, be very afraid” retorted thrice married Newt Gingrich. “ I can [...]

Obama Mallomara

By Pete Grossman
Today, President Obama reached across the aisle to Republicans, offering Mallomars to ease the tension between he and their resistance to his near 1 trillion dollar stimulus package.
“Mallomars make everyone happy,” said Obama. Starting off meetings with Mallomars just puts everyone at ease. They’re a lot like me, black and white and delicious. [...]



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