By Bill Britton
Sarah Palin’s publicist, Rick Maver, announced today that Alaska’s former governor has been signed on as head of ASHOL (American Society of Hateful and Odious Loonies). Society headquarters are located in Clayton, Michigan, where a number of similar organizations are based, including Hutaree, whose members believe that the Antichrist is attempting to establish [...]

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By Giuseppe Cinzano
Chicago, IL (INS). Vice President Joe Biden says he feels the need to pinch himself at times. “When I made the decision to get hair plugs I said to myself, ‘It doesn’t get any better than this.’ Man, was I ever wrong about that.”
Biden was a guest on Oprah Winfrey’s acclaimed television show [...]

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By Giuseppe Cinzano
Washington D.C. (INS). With House Speaker Nancy Pelosi by his side, President Barack Obama announced at a press conference what he hopes will be a historic revision to the 2700 page Health Care bill currently holding America hostage. “My fellow Americans,” he called out to reporters. “After careful consideration of the relationship between [...]

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By Bill Britton
Atlanta, GA (INS). CNN president Jonathan Klein expressed dismay at the disappointing results from Saturday’s tsunami. “We had news feeds set up from California to Pango Pango, wherever the heck that is, and what did we get? I’ve seen bigger ripples in my grandson’s wading pool.”
Klein has called a meeting of CNN’s top executives to discuss future tsunami [...]

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By George Held
Hollywood, CA (INS). Hugh Hefner announced today that Sarah Palin will be the November centerfold in PLAYBOY magazine. An agreement was reached after Palin spent the weekend getting a private tour of the Playboy mansion here. The November issue, which appears in October, would maximize the influence of her pictorial in helping [...]

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By Bill Britton
Crawford, TX (INS). The normally apolitical National Duct Tape Council has issued a statement in support of former President Bush’s call to invade Canada. Chairman Herb Rimple explained the council’s reasoning at a televised news conference held in Crawford, Texas: “We at the council believe that President Bush is showing the way to a more secure [...]

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By Bill Britton
Atlanta, GA (INS) – Lou Dobbs, mired in controversy because of his opinion-laden commentary, abruptly resigned from CNN. A spokesperson for the Hispanic community in Miami, Grito N. Altavoz, said, “Good riddance to that gringo maricón. He want to send my 29 cousins back to Cuba.”
Rumor has it that Dobbs will take up the reins [...]

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By Pete Grossman
San “Fransicko” (INS). Conservative, heartfelt, colonoscopy loving talk show host, Michael Savage, is returning to his former, liberal self. The transition involves going back to his old name, “Weiner,” pronounced “Weener” or “Whiner” with the latter being the most likely, as whining is his forte.
“I enjoy whining,” says the newly reformed Weiner. “It’s [...]

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By George Held
Anchorage, AK, (INS) Now that Sarah Palin has announced her retirement as Alaska’s governor, she has begun to make overtures to possible running mates in her run for the Presidency in 2012. According to Mildred Pearce, a cleaning woman in the governor’s mansion, the two top candidates currently are Gov. Mark Sanford (R-SC) [...]

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By George Held
Juneau, AK (INS) Citing a higher calling for her resignation as governor of Alaska, Sarah Palin caused rampant speculation about her intentions. While many pundits suggested the governor was referencing a run for President, some bloggers implied she was under federal investigation for demagoguery. But INS (Infauxtainment News Service) has learned from a [...]

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