BIRTHER SHIRKERS

By George Held
Intercourse, PA, (INS). INS (Infauxtainment News Service) reports that the refusal of U.S. Army Lt. Col. Terry Lakin to return to Afghanistan for a second tour of duty as a flight surgeon is the tip of the iceberg for so-call Birthers, who deny President Obama’s authority on the assumption that he is not [...]

Americans Deeply Concerned About Country that Starts with K

By Eric Kenning
BISHKEK, Something-stan (INS). Rebel forces continued to consolidate their control over the capital of the strategically located former Soviet republic of Kryzg…Kyrygz…no, that’s not right…Kzygyzrst…well, you probably know  the strategically located former Soviet republic we mean.
The rebels, calling themselves the That’s Not How You Pronounce It Liberation Front, vow to keep fighting until [...]

WTF Joe?

By Giuseppe Cinzano
Vice President Joe Biden managed to once again steal the attention with another of his “misstatements” during what will probably become the most defining moment for President Obama. “This is a big F*#@&g deal Biden said to Obama which managed to subtly slip into the microphone as he introduced the President on the day [...]

President Declares Snacks Will Save Nation

By Giuseppe Cinzano
Washington D.C. (INS). With House Speaker Nancy Pelosi by his side, President Barack Obama announced at a press conference what he hopes will be a historic revision to the 2700 page Health Care bill currently holding America hostage. “My fellow Americans,” he called out to reporters. “After careful consideration of the relationship between [...]

Walmart To Offer Terrorist Accessories

By Bill Britton
Recognizing shifting U.S. demographics, Walmart’s 2010 product line will include useful accessories specifically designed to appeal to the terrorist segment. “This is an important customer group for us,” said Walmart spokesperson Shabaella Fou. “Plus it promises excellent long-term growth.”
The initial offering will be restricted to three products. “We want to see what’s most viable for [...]

PEACE PRIZE COMMITTEE BLOWN AWAY

By Bill Britton
OSLO, NORWAY (INS) — Last Thursday President Obama, our most prominent immigrant from Hawaii, accepted the 2009 Nobel Peace Prize amid some controversy. The Peace Prize is awarded each year to the world figure who can best hide his real intentions from the Nobel committee. The inventor of dynamite and creator of the [...]

SAVAGE GOING BACK TO WEINER

By Pete Grossman
San “Fransicko” (INS). Conservative, heartfelt, colonoscopy loving talk show host, Michael Savage, is returning to his former, liberal self. The transition involves going back to his old name, “Weiner,” pronounced “Weener” or “Whiner” with the latter being the most likely, as whining is his forte.
“I enjoy whining,” says the newly reformed Weiner. “It’s [...]



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