TEACHERS PLAN FOOL-PROOF GRADING

By George Held
PALO ALTO (INS) – The National Organization of Teachers (NOT) announced today that its members have voted to outsource grading to Numbers Union of Mumbai (NUMB), India, in order to take the pressure from their students’ parents off America’s high-school teachers.
Since grades for the college-bound became the ultimate measure of high-school success, [...]

Classic “Dick & Jane” Guide Goes Facebook

By George Held
Indianapolis, IN (INS). The Dick and Jane basal readers will not be revived as previously announced. Education Professor Janet A. Dickens, of IU-Indianapolis, whose research led IU-I Press to consider issuing an updated version of the readers, told INS (Infauxtainment News Service) that “not all constituencies were willing to get on board.”
The Rev. [...]

PALIN OVERTURES TO VEEP MATES

By George Held
Anchorage, AK, (INS) Now that Sarah Palin has announced her retirement as Alaska’s governor, she has begun to make overtures to possible running mates in her run for the Presidency in 2012. According to Mildred Pearce, a cleaning woman in the governor’s mansion, the two top candidates currently are Gov. Mark Sanford (R-SC) [...]

BAILIN’ PALIN CITES “HIGHER CALLIN’”

By George Held
Juneau, AK (INS) Citing a higher calling for her resignation as governor of Alaska, Sarah Palin caused rampant speculation about her intentions. While many pundits suggested the governor was referencing a run for President, some bloggers implied she was under federal investigation for demagoguery. But INS (Infauxtainment News Service) has learned from a [...]

Stress Test Takes Toll on Bank Execs

By George Held
New York, NY (INS) The Federal Government’s application of a stress test for U.S. mega-banks has resulted in unforeseen consequences for their CEOs. Initially intended to determine if banks are solvent in the long term or need a new infusion of taxpayer capital, the test has proved highly stressful to bankers.
Among those afflicted [...]



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